Suffering Within Us: The Power of the Mind
this article will explain that:
Suffering is created, and alleviated, by certain natural patterns of the mind.
As part of our natural cognitive development, something called the “Default Mode Network” strengthens, and from it, our capacity for suffering arises.
The mind automatically creates stories and biases that distort how we see ourselves, others, and situations. When the story we cling to does not compute with our experience, we open ourselves up to suffering.
The personal practices of elevated awareness and mindfulness directly alleviate the unconscious programming and suffering that arises in the mind.
Here is our hypothesis:
“There are systems of suffering – around us, between us, and within us – that have a significant impact on the performance of people at work. Once these systems of suffering are identified, they can be understood and alleviated.”
In our last article, we set the stage for going deeper into The Suffering Within Us. If you missed it, there’s a lot to enjoy and we encourage you to go check it out!
As part of our ongoing investigation, we are continuing to explore the predominant patterns of “suffering within us” so that we can expand our own understanding of this human condition and notice its inevitable influence on our inner world and our world at work.
We are excited to share that we have revealed the first predominant cause of inner suffering: mindlessness.
To arrive at this insight, we asked a lot of questions:
“How pervasive is suffering?”
“Why does it even matter?”
“How does suffering occur within us?”
“What’s the root cause?”
“Can we do anything about it? Can companies do anything about it?”
As we scanned the research, we came to understand that suffering is created by deep patterns in the mind, and it can also be alleviated through them. In this article, we will answer some of the questions above, shedding light on this first source of inner suffering and what we can do about it.
REMEMBER:
Suffering does not happen to people, it happens because we are people.
exploring the mind
At The People Side, we use the term “mind” to mean the brain’s formed concept of our life and our world: the thoughts, neural pathways, cognitive processes, and learned tendencies that determine how we operate and move through life. If the mind were a computer, we would be talking about the code, the programming, and the software.
We also know it by many other names:
Our Functioning Reality
“The Way It Is”
Mental Constructs
Self-Perception
Worldview
Mental Models
Regardless of what we call it, it means that as we go through life, we encode a perspective into our brains – of ourselves, our relationships, and our world. And the mind becomes tailor-fit because of our unique experiences. In his book The Myth of Normal, Gabor Maté gives us a brilliant insight from modern psychology when he states, “Before the brain can create our world, the world creates our brain.”
As this outside influence tells us what is real about our world, it inherently has its blind spots and mirages. We learn early on that certain people, places, feelings, or outcomes are delightful, while others must be avoided at all costs. With this, the stage is set for how we will relate to the things we encounter. As part of our natural cognitive development, the capacity for suffering sneaks in the back door.
Again, when we say “suffering” we mean: a natural human response to an undesirable circumstance, real or imagined. Included here is both the extreme and the ordinary. But what else does modern psychology and neuroscience tell us about the mind’s role in the creation of suffering?
a closer look: The Default Mode Network
You may be just as fascinated as we were to learn that there is a unique aspect of our neurology that auto-generates stories of who we are. It shapes our reality, engages in silent self-talk, and processes our inner and outer world–particularly when we are at rest. It is a customized network of messages, neural signals and interacting brain regions (1). The autopilot reality-shaper known to neuroscientists as the Default Mode Network (DMN). Ever since Marcus Raichle and his team of neuroscientists discovered the DMN, it has been linked to:
✓self- image
✓depression
✓grief
✓other thoughts associated with mental anguish and states of inner suffering (2)
✓higher levels of rumination (3)
✓our deepest values and core beliefs (4)
✓how we interpret, process, or resist emotions (5)
Essentially, when we reflect, daydream, ruminate, or use our imagination to fill in the gaps about“what must really be happening”– the DMN is firing on all cylinders (6).
Which means, the way we make sense of our world and our experience of it gets informed and encoded in this autopilot Default Mode Network.
Why does this matter to those of us suffering at work?
Because through this lens, we can begin to uphold a “no-shame, no-blame” appreciation of the mind’s autopilot patterns. The DMN evolved with us, to keep us safe from harm and threats, and influence our actions even when we are not yet acting on anything. We are here today because of these advanced abilities in our mind.
Secondarily, it matters because of how it silently steers our lives. Deep in our unconscious mind, there are ingrained patterns that control us more than we realize. Many of these patterns ultimately create our habits, for better or worse! For those of us who want to change our behavior or how we lead–we must appreciate and work with multiple layers of our inner world.
Which begs the question: Do we really suffer on autopilot?
The science certainly suggests we can. The DMN’s creation of self-talk and sense making is not only automatic, but it is the seed of belief, perception, and action.
Beliefs about how I should or should not be at work
Beliefs about what people can or cannot say to me
Perceptions of the risks I can or cannot take
Perceptions of viewpoints that are safe or unsafe to share
Actions that I can or cannot take to move my career along
So, from this deep place in our unconscious mind, the Default Mode Network generates the stories and actions that surface into our conscious, thinking mind. Since the DMN is not an accurate representation of every point of view, it manufactures fallacies, blind spots, and cognitive biases. It is mindless thinking that generates mindless behavior. We can’t challenge our programming if we don’t understand it or know that is exists. Which leads us to our next subject: the mind traps of leadership.
a closer look: Leadership Mind Traps
From this default operating mode comes a fascinating set of cognitive biases which Jennifer Garvey Berger describes in her book, Leadership Mind Traps. Building on our understanding of the brain, especially the leader’s brain, she describes five human tendencies that oversimplify the complexity we encounter in leadership. Among these, two have a clear connection to the suffering within us: our need to create simple stories from complex ones, and our self-limiting view of who we think we are. Garvey Berger writes:
Trapped by Simplicity: Your desire for a simple story blinds you to the real one.
Trapped by Ego: Your attachment to your idea of self robs you of potential.
…Wow.
We know that the brain creates stories; in fact, it is a story-making machine. According toGarvey, it also takes shortcuts, reducing those stories into their simplest form. Examples exist everywhere: “He’s so creative.” “All of our processes are broken.” “We are the experts.” “If people work remotely, they’re less productive.” There are many reasons why the real complexity of these stories are hard to mentally compute, but one of the main reasons is that the conflicting data on a given topic complicates our ability to make a clear decision about someone or something.
For example, we know that people can be creative in one area of their life, and rigid in another. Or that some processes can be working, even while others are broken. And we know including someone else’s expertise when evaluating a problem doesn’t diminish our own expertise, it often adds to it. And some people are going to be more productive at home, while others are more productive in an office environment.
Our brain craves certainty so it would rather believe something definitively than keep repeating to itself “well, it depends.” We want a simple story so badly that we are blind to the real, more complex and nuanced one. This can invite suffering into the workplace, and our lives, because we repeatedly reject new data that would challenge our story and chose to live inside of the reality we have already created.
“Notice the patterns of your habitual thinking... and then stretch them.”
– Jennifer Garvey Berger
The second leadership mind trap that Garvey explores related to suffering is the mind trap of the Ego. To connect the two topics briefly, the Ego is the biggest storyteller in our mind. It spins a convincing narrative of who we take ourselves to be, and we live into that narrative repeatedly–through our emails, our team updates, and our casual conversations. When something happens and it doesn’t line up with who we believe ourselves to be, we open ourselves up to suffering. One of our Managing Partners offers up this personal example to show how the Ego can generate tension and suffering.
Not long ago, Candyce noticed a curious dynamic. She found she would frequently verbalize her thoughts and over-demonstrate her talent in client interactions, overshadowing other teammates in the room. This was a problem. She wanted her team to feel empowered to lead conversations and make decisions without her, but operating at 150% capacity meant others only had room to contribute 50% of theirs. This dynamic was causing her to suffer, and her capable teammates suffered, too. Bottom line:she needed to control her impulse to contribute. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. How was she going to make a shift?
The answer: coaching. She soon realized that not contributing to a conversation caused tension within her (suffering). Her Ego saw it as her “underperforming” and seized the opportunity to be the “hero” - thus living in a Hero narrative. Through coaching, she could pinpoint this Ego story, which allowed her to work with it. Believing her value came through in other people’s contributions began to relieve this tension within her and her team.
This type of deep work is often required to contact the roots of tension and suffering within someone. Without elevated awareness and compassionate presence of a skilled coach, behavior change can become a pipe dream.
exploring the alleviation: awareness
Now that we see how the mind can generate suffering within us, how might we begin to alleviate the effects of its tendencies? We amplify our awareness. When we pause, become aware of what is going on, and observe it kindly, we collect more data and see more possible options before us.
Awareness is the act of paying attention. It is an alert curiosity and watchfulness. Note the absence of self-evaluation in this definition. It is as if we are not invested in the outcome; we are simply watching, becoming more aware of what’s happening.
The scientific community praises awareness and meditation practices because positive outcomes have been documented in cellular aging, heart health, neurodegenerative diseases, mental health care, immune system functioning, and other major aspects of human flourishing (7).
The power of awareness and mindfulness is both timeless and popular in our modern culture for good reason. The simple act of sitting still and putting some breathing room between our thoughts and our actions can bring ease to the mind and body. Over time, increased awareness and mindfulness changes the brain’s structure (8). Mindfulness is the proven key to untangling the Default Mode Network.
Consistent practices of awareness and mindfulness can also alleviate the unconscious programming of the Default Mode Network. “A study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that the DMN of advanced meditators was not as active, suggesting seasoned practitioners may experience less mind wandering and a resting state closer to a meditative one: able to shift out of ruminative thoughts with more ease and carry out tasks with less distraction.” (9)
Awareness and mindfulness practices also alleviate the mind’s one-sided storytelling and cognitive biases. “Other research (from Alan Wallace, Richie Davidson, Amishii Jha) has found significant improvements in attentional regulation from those who have had mindfulness meditation training, such as enhanced focus and the reduction of the ‘attentional blink’-- times when new information is not seen because of prolonged attention on the prior stimulus.” (10) These practices can safeguard against certain cognitive biases and support additional data collection that rounds out our stories and thoughts.
With time, it becomes possible to experience the fact that we are not our thoughts. And this truth, over time, opens us up to greater growth potential. We see through the suffering and our craving for things to stay exactly the way they are. We begin to sit with things differently and new paths emerge.
deepening the connection
The People Side’s mission is to alleviate human suffering at work. We come alongside of you, your teams, and your organization, to meet you in the mess. Through our expertise and skillsets, we can help you untangle your stuck points at their very root. Once untangled, new possibilities can emerge, and new outcomes can be realized.
We know that when leaders deal honestly and fearlessly with their own suffering, distress, and resistance, they can, in Brené Brown’s words, “rumble and reckon in order to rise.” These leaders bravely blaze a trail for the people they lead, inviting others into greater possibility. They go beyond talking about and requesting change, they embody it. These leaders create an impact that inspires people, lifts all boats, and moves the world forward.
If you suspect you are ready to level-up your leadership presence by dealing honestly with your bias, programming, Ego, and your stories, we encourage you to head confidently in that direction!
If this article feels like your invitation to go deeper, we suggest:
Go easy on yourself. Suffering is a deeply human experience and there’s no shame or blame for what’s going on inside of you.
Get a coach. The People Side’s coaches are trained to support leaders seeking deeper insights into their neural programming and reactive tendencies.
Consider a 360. Blind spots have nowhere to hide in a feedback report. The People Side’s coaches will work skillfully and compassionately with you to expand your capacity for the complexity of leadership through feedback.
Be in the bias-busting habit of asking, “What else is there to see?” and “How could I be wrong?”
Adopt a practice of mindful awareness
get plugged in
We hope you remain intrigued by what’s coming up in our discovery of suffering. There is much more we want to share! If you want deeper insights dropped into your inbox once a month, sign up for our newsletter. Make sure to connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and here on LinkedIn. It’s our goal to put forward meaningful content that helps us all learn about, and lessen, our own tendencies for suffering at work. Lastly, Community: if you remember a time when you have suffered at work, please consider contributing your story anonymously through our data collection project called “100 Stories of Suffering.”
About the Authors
Jenna Willingham is a Writer, Collaborator, and Program Manager for The People Side. She brings a wealth of personal experience and professional curiosity to her writing and client interactions. She strives to offer a fresh, elevated perspective on the unseen aspects of human dynamics at work.
Candyce Penteado is the Founder and Managing Director of The People Side. She is considered a thought-leader in experiential learning –masterfully weaving business acumen with creative facilitation techniques to inspire breakthrough thinking.Her passion and commitment to alleviate human suffering at work is echoed in the company’s bold mission.